Fascinating. I really liked "If you, too, are terrified of flying then you don’t need me to tell you about it – and if you’re not, no amount of explaining will make you feel what I felt."
And your final decision on the bar/table/fall works perfectly.
I think visceral, "irrational" fear of something is really hard to enter into imaginatively if you don't happen to share that fear. Glad you approve of the bar/table/fall thing. It's a good example of how taking a sentence out of context - though of course we do it all the time when we're workshopping etc. - is inevitably of limited usefulness.
Nice! I spotted and recognised this sentence; was pleased to see its final form: A glance through the glass of the door showed that a man had slipped getting off one of the bar seats, and somehow taken a table with him.
:)
Loved these two:
in a voice which made me take his hand and plait our fingers together as the cool spring sun fell over us and splashed onto the daffodils.
and
and – it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true – the way he took his spectacles off so he could listen better … what all these things had started in me, the bleakness in his voice finished, and I gave my heart
I like "But Deauville has nothing to do with this story so shall we take it as read?" It gives me a strong sense of Charlotte's voice and character. She can be chatty, but is always aware of what's important.
Fascinating. I really liked "If you, too, are terrified of flying then you don’t need me to tell you about it – and if you’re not, no amount of explaining will make you feel what I felt."
And your final decision on the bar/table/fall works perfectly.
Can't wait for next installment.
I think visceral, "irrational" fear of something is really hard to enter into imaginatively if you don't happen to share that fear. Glad you approve of the bar/table/fall thing. It's a good example of how taking a sentence out of context - though of course we do it all the time when we're workshopping etc. - is inevitably of limited usefulness.
Fantastic, well drawn characters maturing at just the right pace.
Thank you! Glad you're enjoying it.
Nice! I spotted and recognised this sentence; was pleased to see its final form: A glance through the glass of the door showed that a man had slipped getting off one of the bar seats, and somehow taken a table with him.
:)
Loved these two:
in a voice which made me take his hand and plait our fingers together as the cool spring sun fell over us and splashed onto the daffodils.
and
and – it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true – the way he took his spectacles off so he could listen better … what all these things had started in me, the bleakness in his voice finished, and I gave my heart
Off to read the next installment now :)
So glad you like those, Rachel - and thank you for bothering to point them out! Episode 4 is due tomorrow!
I like "But Deauville has nothing to do with this story so shall we take it as read?" It gives me a strong sense of Charlotte's voice and character. She can be chatty, but is always aware of what's important.
I was surprised when a beta-reader took exception to that, saying "Then why are we told about it?"